I’m not judging you… but I definitely have an opinion.

This summer has been incredibly good to me. I haven’t had many expectations of it; so I have yet to be let down. This brings up a point. Do expectations crush dreams? Or do unrealistic dreams ultimately destroy themselves? I’ve always had expectations of D-Camp and Impact. I always think, When I get there I’m going to do this, this, and this, hang out with her, him, and them, reconnect. And yet when I’ve come home the past couple times I’ve felt unfulfilled. It’s my purpose that is wrong and my intention.

I’ve been avidly watching the World Cup. TEAM USA. Soccer isn’t as boring as I thought it would be. It cool knowing that thousands of fans from around the world have all gathered in South Africa to cheer on their team, that the world is unified by this sport. It annoys me that we’re the only country that calls the sport soccer. I always enjoy watching the World Cup in the morning when I wake up. I’m still waking up early, like about 8 or 9. Not very summer-esque.

TestMasters has been quite enlightening. It has thoroughly improved some things. And most of my teachers and have been some sort of amusing. Although some not... (insert frustration).

I am slightly excited for my family trip to China. To be away from the American Lifestyle and to absorb myself into a different culture. I hope the Shanghai World Expo is interesting, that’s one of the things I’m most excited for. Also I’m anticipating a very exciting flight over to China, considering that me and two of my best friends are going over on the same flight. It’ll be a blast, I hope.

I’ve been hanging with people excessively, and it’s been amazing. Mostly Shaina and Pragati. Gossip Girl with Shaina and savoring every moment I have left with Pragati. Oh, must she go to TAMS?

Sincerely,

Michelle

Things that have happen and are of significance:

• Art & World History AP Testing
• NHS induction
• Mother's Day
• Diamond Spring Show
• MST Meetings

Things that are to happen:

• Tennis Banquet
• Senior Banquet
• Senior Choir Day
• Allison's Birthday Party
• StuCo dinner @ Red Robin
• Matt coming home

Things happening these days seem to be really insignificant. They are dull and lifeless, boring and monotonous. Unnecessary and drawn out.

The truth hurts. But it is what it is. You can't change it. But there is a fine line of what needs to be said and what doesn't. I think I would rather have it said.

Driving is fun. Driving people is a chore.

Summer is complicated.

Seniors graduating. Tragic. Will miss their maturity and someone to look up to.

Lifelessly,
Michelle

I am constantly going in and out of states of contentment. I like the way my life is. I don't like the way my life is. My friends are amazing. My friends are lacking. I'm pushing myself too hard. It's just not enough. When do you know when life is perfect and you are content? Is life ever going to be enough. Should we settle for being just content?

It's Not Fair

Listening: Wordkill - Epik High

People really need to just keep out of other people's business. I'll admit, sometimes I can get a little curious and carried away, but I know how to stop. I know when enough is enough. I've told secrets, but nothing that would ever ruin someone's life.

Some people just exhaust me. They make me want to shut my eyes and close off all my senses. Which would be nice if I were actually trying to sleep, as I am having issues with sleeping lately. Perhaps my insomnia is back? Or maybe I'm just not exhausting myself enough.

It's not fair that my family is able to invest and spend. I'm spoiled, over and over again. My family can afford to buy a new car, send the family to China, send me to school, without any worry. And yet, my friends are unable to afford things like new tennis rackets, new clothes, lunch. I really don't realize how good I've got it sometimes. But should I feel guilty for being well off?

So happy Spring Break everyone. Happy St. Pat's.

Sincerely,
Michelle

P.S. Amazing drama, The Woman Who Still Wants to Marry, with my possibly favorite actor Kim Bum.

Cowards

We're all cowards. Some are afraid to say what they really mean. Some are afraid to chase their dream. But what is it that's holding us back? Fear can control our lives without our knowing.

I find it interesting that I when I watch TV, when someone is crying or incredibly happy, I become emotional for them. It's because their expression looks so geniuine, so real unlike this fascade of indifference I express.

And I'm still wondering what makes her so special?

It's Been A While

Listening: Of Men and Angels - The Rocket Summer

It's been a long time. Hello my blog. Actually, it's been so long that I forgot my password and username combo.

So one month and two days. I don't even understand why I'm really counting. I'm not going to do anything special.

Something I really don't like is when people try to stand out for the sake of being different, people who crave attention. Also, along with attention whres there are the boring people, practically opposites. I feel like people get boring really fast and after that person isn't interesting anymore I feel as if I have to move onto the next person. Sounds bad, throwing people away, perhaps I'll start to recycle them.

I miss the Olympics incredibly. I will especially miss Apolo Ohno, whether he retires or not by Sochi 2014. I'm watching out for Mirai Nagasu, JR Celski (insert squeel), Simon Cho, and Shaun White next time. I can't wait. But at least I'll have London 2012 to keep me entertained! Plus I might actually go see the 2012 Olympics. Thank youuuu Senior Trip! Although, snowboarding with Anica wouldn't be too bad either.

School is going fairly well. Everyday though I feel as if I need to try harder, but in reality I still don't have the desire to try harder. I'm not looking far enough into the future of how my grades will affect my future.

There's a long night ahead of me.

Sincerely,

Michelle

I Did It Again

I'm so stressed out right now. I found out that weekend what was supposed to be fun is now bittersweet, mostly bitter. I had promised myself last year that I would do 30 Hour Famine since last year my mom had convinced me not to. I hate that, when my mom convinces me not to do something I want to do and I regret it. I resent her for it, all the time. And now I can't do it again. I signed myself for an art competition, under pressure from my teacher, that I kind of wanted to do but I knew it would stress me out. And then my mom's choir party is the same day. She is stressed out herself but she volunteered. She did.

I did it again.

Bitterly,
Michelle

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Edit.

So it turns out they were on the same day but in different months. How nice.