You Don't Understand

I look back on how we used to be such good friends, how we'd look out for each other and listen. How you'd always be there for me and I'd always be there for you. No matter what. What happened? I look back and remember all those things that we used to say to each other to keep us intact. How we used to be such good friends, I don't understand how we got where we're at. It all went down hill from some certain point. It's almost been two years. Two years since I've felt close to you. Just a few weeks ago we had talked and I thought we had everything figured out, that we'd go back to what we used to be. But when I look at the words we've said we didn't even ask, what went wrong, why are we like this, where are we now? I didn't ask some of the most important questions. The blame shant go on you even though we're both to blame.

I am jealous. I am jealous of all the new friends you've surrounded yourself with. All the friends you talk to now. But I know, you're not the same, you're not happy still. Neither am I. I've surrounded myself with friends just as you have, to keep me busy, to keep my mind off of the sentiments which I don't want to think about. I fill my schedule to distract myself from all the fun that you're having.

I wish I knew where we are at, what went wrong. Are we friends or simply acquaintances? Am I putting effort into a lost cause? I don't know, your emotions are locked up inside of you and I can't get a word out. Have you moved on?


So today I went back, searching for my resolutions for '09 and failed to find them. This year has been a blur, of pain and happiness. Some of the best moments I've had in my life have happened this year and I find that I an unable to enjoy them and remember them because of my numb mind. I'm not saying goodbye 2009, I am simply saying until I can remember you better (:

Love,
Michelle