Cowards

We're all cowards. Some are afraid to say what they really mean. Some are afraid to chase their dream. But what is it that's holding us back? Fear can control our lives without our knowing.

I find it interesting that I when I watch TV, when someone is crying or incredibly happy, I become emotional for them. It's because their expression looks so geniuine, so real unlike this fascade of indifference I express.

And I'm still wondering what makes her so special?

It's Been A While

Listening: Of Men and Angels - The Rocket Summer

It's been a long time. Hello my blog. Actually, it's been so long that I forgot my password and username combo.

So one month and two days. I don't even understand why I'm really counting. I'm not going to do anything special.

Something I really don't like is when people try to stand out for the sake of being different, people who crave attention. Also, along with attention whres there are the boring people, practically opposites. I feel like people get boring really fast and after that person isn't interesting anymore I feel as if I have to move onto the next person. Sounds bad, throwing people away, perhaps I'll start to recycle them.

I miss the Olympics incredibly. I will especially miss Apolo Ohno, whether he retires or not by Sochi 2014. I'm watching out for Mirai Nagasu, JR Celski (insert squeel), Simon Cho, and Shaun White next time. I can't wait. But at least I'll have London 2012 to keep me entertained! Plus I might actually go see the 2012 Olympics. Thank youuuu Senior Trip! Although, snowboarding with Anica wouldn't be too bad either.

School is going fairly well. Everyday though I feel as if I need to try harder, but in reality I still don't have the desire to try harder. I'm not looking far enough into the future of how my grades will affect my future.

There's a long night ahead of me.

Sincerely,

Michelle

I Did It Again

I'm so stressed out right now. I found out that weekend what was supposed to be fun is now bittersweet, mostly bitter. I had promised myself last year that I would do 30 Hour Famine since last year my mom had convinced me not to. I hate that, when my mom convinces me not to do something I want to do and I regret it. I resent her for it, all the time. And now I can't do it again. I signed myself for an art competition, under pressure from my teacher, that I kind of wanted to do but I knew it would stress me out. And then my mom's choir party is the same day. She is stressed out herself but she volunteered. She did.

I did it again.

Bitterly,
Michelle

---

Edit.

So it turns out they were on the same day but in different months. How nice.

Letting Go

Listening: Easy - Ne-Yo

I think I'm finally done being mad. I'm done being mad at you. I think I've come to the point where it's pretty useless to try with you anymore. I've given up. It's been three years, can you believe it? I'll miss everything definitely, everything about you and things we did together. But you told me to find out what's next for me and to pursue it. I still haven't found it yet but I'm still getting there. I hope you have a happy life, that you get everything that you want and more. I'm sorry for the both of us that I feel that I can't be apart of it. It's just that the situation now looks and feels like we're on different roads, heading in the same direction but taking different routes. I wonder if we'll meet in the end.

Farewell,
Michelle

P.S. This is actually another part of the post but I felt weird it being all sad then happy and then sad again with the farewell. Haha. On a lighter note I am so stoked for Warped Tour '10! I hope I get to go. I've had Bryce Avery's songs on repeat for the last week and I really want to pre-order his Of Men and Angels CD but I'm not sure yet... Finals week went well! Of course, besides this one teacher... I am stressing over those 2 points that the final dropped my SEMESTER AVERAGE. I feel like I should try to make it up but I'm not sure if I have the will power or ability to. Anyways, hope your MLK day was good!

TENNIS TOURNAMENTS START THIS WEEK. LET THE 4 DAY WEEKS BEGIN

Why Am I the Rule and She is the Exception?

Have you ever wondered why some people are the exception to the rule? Why you aren't the exception to the rule? What makes them so special? So special that they are the exception?

I feel like I'm living my life in one of the most cliche ways, so predictable. I feel like I have to obey the rules of society. I don't really mind but I sometimes wonder if I could be so much more. Potential.

I still have to figure out some New Year's resolutions, goals of definite measurable proportions. Is it better to set high goals and then be disappointed when you don't achieve them or to set realistic goals and then just be blasé? I wrote a letter to myself this summer, right before school started. It was filled with goals and ideas, fresh from my summer experiences. I wonder if I have meet any of the goals I set. But then again, I kind of know that I wrote the letter with no real motivation or intention, I kind of felt like I had to write one just in case I became excited about it once I forgot it. But I haven't forgotten about it so I'm still indifferent.

Sincerely,
Michelle

You're an Idiot (Just Being Honest)

Listening: Heartless (Cover) - The Fray

Haha. I'm just kind of confused and mad. This one person is so confusing and I don't know if they are worth the trouble anymore. Time wasted, effort useless.

I have been fueling my love for Starbucks coffee and drinks. White Chocolate Mocha, oh how fattening you are but oh so delicious.

I've been driving quite a bit, I find it to be pretty relaxing, except when my mom is telling me to slow down too early. |:

I'm quite ready for winter to be over. I don't really enjoy having cold feet or hands. But it might be just because I'm looking forward to getting my license! And perhaps I might get an iPhone (:

Nothing much again this time.

Hopeful,
Michelle

I feel like whenever things are going well I always lack words to write.

Yesterday was an amazing day. This week I haven't had much work so I've been able to gather myself after my breakdown on Monday. I talked to Grace for the first time in what seems to be forever. I miss her so much, she's been my support and my mentor for as long as I can remember.

No words are coming to me but maybe later?

Sincerely,
Michelle