Stuck In the Sea of Sameness

Listening: Fix You - Coldplay

I'm the puppet on your hand.
I'm the string that comes unwound.

I feel so empty and lost. Everything is dark and nothing makes sense. Psychobabbling. What's right and what's wrong? What's up and what's down? I can't find stable ground, no where to plant my feet. I am coming undone.

This sucks. This sucks that I don't know what's next.

I am procrastinating on all my work even though I know I'm going to be busy as hell after this week. The parts of my lives aren't in balance with each other. My relationships with people aren't stable. It just feel like with the drop of a coin everything could fall apart. Nothing's quite right but it's not all wrong either. How does that make sense? In reverse.

I want to run away from this life of uncertainty and find a place of belonging. Here I am. Fragile. Waiting. I stand. I wish for control, to be free from the world as my puppeteer and myself. Sometimes I feel forced and confined into this role I feel forced to play, but I also feel free, too free, unable to pick a path that is laid out, neat, and exact, unable to just choose what it is that I want. How can I be free of the unknown and not be lifeless?

Psychotically Yours,
Michelle