Don't know how long I can hold on,
Starting to lose my grip, who have I become?

Don't know how long I can hold on,
Afraid of letting go, I'm trying to hang on.

The Swing

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out

It's odd how loyalties can switch without our knowing. A close friend you've had may become someone else's. Maybe I'm jealous. Sometimes I think of old friend and wonder what has become of them and where they are in life. I think of memories I've had with them and why things aren't the same anymore, how one year I could go from hanging out with them everyday to just casually waving or giving a head nod the next.

It's odd how things can fall apart at the seams and you don't notice it until it all goes crashing down. So many things unnoticed and neglected. That favorite childhood toy that's collecting dust in the corner or the ex-best friend in another state, the relationship. . . gone. I remember moving when I was 5 and I had said that I would email or write my friend Emily. I never did. I don't really know why either. But I haven't forgotten her at all; she was probably the first friend I had ever made. (Actually, now that I think of it, I had this friend named Matthew that I would swing with; we'd compete to see who could go the highest. Maybe he was my first friend. Hm. . . Cute days (: )

Hanyways, this was supposed to be a short post. Das vedanya(:

Sincerely,
Michelle

I Can Go the Distance

Listening: Don't Wanna Fall - Allan Cutler


Daz riteee ch'alll. 1337 Songs.

So this week my school had standardized testing so I don't have to go to school until 12 some days. So that makes for a two hour day at school (:. Jealous much?

I restore my laptop yesterday and now it's popup and adware freee. Too bad I might have lost two years of documents along with it. Hopefully I'll get those files back, but I doubt it. Most of them were just stories I wrote or things for school, but I'd still like them back D:. At least I have my music. My iTunes library is like a huge part of me. It would have taken forever for me to compile all those songs again.

I don't really have any profound thoughts right now. Maybe later.

This school year is coming to its end (oh wow that's obvious).

Smile for me (:!

- - - - -

It is later now I suppose haha.

So listening to Disney songs is very good for you, most of them are upbeat and happy (:. I have to admit, I miss watching those movies! My faves would be Cinderella, Mulan, and The Little Mermaid! But I like all of them!
My Songgss:
Go the Distance - Hercules
Ever Ever After - Enchanted
When She Loved Me - Toy Story 2
Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride - Lilo & Stitch
Reflection - Mulan
Bring Honor To Us All - Mulan
Lesson Number One - Mulan (okay okay, ALL OF THE MULAN SONGS.)
Strangers Like Me - Tarzan
You'll Be In My Heart - Tarzan
Two Worlds - Tarzan
Very nice songs I must stay.

Well I kinda just realized after my shower that my coach has big expectations for my in the future. I'm pretty sure I've wrote this before thought. But the pressure to be the best is getting to me.

And I had something to write about again. . . what was it. . .

Ah, (the Lucas Grabeel version of course)

I have often dreamed
Of a far-off place
Where a hero's welcome
Will be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while

When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong

Basically, as long as you push through every hard thing you'll be going in the right direction. You can't let the hard things get into the way of being or getting what you want. So every step you take is really taking you somewhere and everything you do plays a purpose in life. And who knows? Perhaps something great could come of it in the end(: Hope.

Like a shooting star I will go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms

Haha, it's just like me to get inspired by a Disney song :3

Sincerely,
Michelle

P.S. I have my 12 Roses thing finisheed, kinda. . .

Yea, that's kinda(:

Run With Me Through Rows of Speeding Cars

Listening: AJ Rafael - My Soldier

The paper cuts
The cheating lovers
The coffee's never strong enough
I know you think it's more than just bad luck.

This week I've been fighting with my parents alot, sadly and it's not that great. I always end up hurt or upset. And I realized no matter how many tears I shed for them there's always going to be more. It's never going to be enough for them. I'm never going to meet their expectations. And it hurts me to know that I might end up being the family failure. I feel like I'll never be able to buy a flat in London for my mom, or take them on vacations and pay. It's annoying trying to meet expectations that I know that I can't achieve.

Today my friends got baptized and it was really amazing and fun watching them. All I could do was smile when I saw them today. I was just so happy for them, and yet I was jealous. I really did regret not getting baptized this time, but I know I still have many more things I have to sort out before I even consider the thought. Well congrats to you 13!

I got an external of 1 tb! Beast man. (:

Well stay fresh everyone.

Sincerely,
Michelle

She Said, She Said

Listening: Madcon - Beggin'

I pick up some sand
Watch it melt through my hands
Falling on my feet

I really don't know what I want to write in this post at all. Let's just see if the words come out.

State was actually really fun. Not as fun as the other years, but I still had alot of fun (:.

Saying Goodbye:

Grace: I will sincerely miss her when she moves to Cali D: I look up her to her so much. She was sick this week and I hope she feels better. I love how she is able to look at a problem from all sides and be unbiased but still love me. She makes me see things in a new way and she keeps our D-Group united.

Ken: (Haha, yes. I am writing about you if you are reading this :P). I don't like that he decided to go without internet, but I him support in his choice! I'll miss talking with him while he's concentrating on school work.

Okay, pressing on. So lessons I have learned this week is that sacrifice is a big part of loving someone and that gossip is super bad.
You can't really rely on someone telling you that someone said something. Such as, "I heard from her that she said that 'she said that "you're really stupid."'" See how hard that is to understand. It's just difficult later on when you are trying to solve the problem.

I guess I'll write about my birthday now o;. So basically what happened was that I invited my church friends and my school friends to go out and eat for my birthday. The dinner was fine, but once we got back to my house I felt like they all branched off into cliques. I kept trying to get everyone to hang out with each other but they wouldn't listen. So I really just gave up and started crying. I felt that they were being selfish. I mean, is it too much to ask for your friend who you invited to just do what you wanted on your birthday? I ended up being the one left out. Me, the 'Birthday Girl'.

Anyways, everyone be healthy this week!

Sincerely,
Michelle

Little Broken Pieces

Listening - Jem - It's Amazing

New Project



It's based upon this:
A boy gave a girl 12 roses,
11 real, 1 fake.
He said,
"I'll love you until the last one dies."

I basically did the same thing but I used my mom's roses that she got for her birthday from my dad. So in my picture there are 25 roses, 2 dozen real, and one fake. This is the progress I have made over 4 days. Basically what it will turn out to be is a picture of the roses dying and the fake one is still "alive." It's a really crude rough draft of what I really want to do with it. There's alot of issues with this "project" like the lighting and the angle I'm taking the picture from is never the same. So hopefully I'll be able to do this again in the future and have everything set up professionally-esq.

And I actually have alot to talk about in the post, but I don't know if I will have enough time to post it all. And if you're wondering what I am doing up so early/late, it's because I took a nap when I came home so now I have all this energy left. Plus, I had all these things I had to do for school. I know I am going to be super tired next week. I regret not sleeping more Easter weekend.

Song Quotes:

What happened
After last summer
When we broke up
In September

I haven't seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I won't even start
I won't even start

I actually love this song by David Choi with this video he made for it. Link.
I fell in love with the Jonas Montana version! xD
I thought that the video was funny and I can't wait to see what they do with it.

Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down

This song is Keri Hilson feat. Ne-Yo and Kanye - Knock You Down

Okay anyways, yesterday I had this conversation with my friend. I asked him "Why live if you don't enjoy living?" I kept playing devil's advocate with my rebuts to his answers. So, we came up with the answers of that,

We live to not know, but to find out.
You may not know whether your life will be good or not but you need to keep living to find out if it gets better.
Life is subjective, you may think it's bad but another person might think it's heaven.

I don't know if I agree with all those answers he gave me but it's something I have to wonder and find out for myself what I believe. But, I really thank him for being someone I could talk to about this.

Okay, and No. I am not suicidal. But I feel like I do bring up a point. What's the point of living if you are just going to be unhappy all the time?

Every day I feel like I lose a piece of myself. Maybe it's because everyday you lose another day off your life. Or maybe because I feel like I'm losing myself or getting even more lost than I was the day before. Something is just. . . missing.

Something I wrote that I thought was cute (: (Because I am a fan of making wishes at 11:11)
It's just a little blurb. Basically a couple is getting married, and they both like making wishes at 11:11. When they were dating they would tell each other when it was 11:11 or text them and they would make wishes.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

The bride looked at the clock. “It’s 11:11, make a wish,” she said with a smile.

“I don’t need a wish as long as I have you,” and the groom took her face gently and kissed her.

I feel like I had alot more to write in this post but my mind is all mixed and mashed with thoughts (:

Goodnight! Sincerely,
Michelle

Reading: Get Well Soon - Julie Halpern

Saving the world's not enough
Maybe if I knew a little more about Love
Then I could finally find who I am

So. . . This week was slightly hectic. . . But not really.

Oh yeah. Happy Late Birthday to Me (:

There probably were alot of things that I should have been doing all this week, but as I am a teenager I did not do them. School is still just school and homework is still just homework. I am almost at the point to where I am counting down the days until summer, and then I get to go to summer school. . . Anyways, it's hard to imagine school getting any harder than it is this year; last year was almost a piece of cake compared to now. Then my friend tells me that she thinks freshman year was a piece of cake compared to sophomore year. It's really hard for me to grasp how hard life is going to be in a couple of years. Bills. Kids. Job. Food. Car. Money. Bills. Kids. Job. Food. Car. Money. Bills. Kids. Job. Food. Car. Money. I really can't imagine myself thinking about that 24/7. There's so many things that I've wanted to accomplish before I grow up like learning how to play the guitar and piano better.

My friend who is a junior will be leaving in a year! Yes, I know I am stating the obvious, but one year seems so short when I really think about it. She doesn't even know what she wants to be when she grows up, and it relieved me that I wasn't the only person like that. It sort of seems like everyone has a sense of where they are going in the future and sometimes I feel like I'll be the one left behind.

Well tomorrow I have no school so that's fun (:

"Hoppy" Easter Everyone!

Sincerely,
Michelle

Welcome to April

Listening: Leave Me In New York - Hope

They say that if you make it here you'll make it anywhere.

It's gotta be the truth because I'm not going anywhere.

Hey everyone, happy April Fool's day I suppose. More importantly, for me, is that it's a new month. We're already one fourth way through the year. Days pass by and I don't even notice them at all. I feel like I have to put so much effort in just getting through one day, just one. It's not even that school or daily tasks are that hard, it's more of the fact that I'm too tired to care or I just don't care about what's happening around me. I feel like days that I live are a waste, that there are more deserving people who could have been born instead of me.
Furthermore, my birthday is coming up. . . Yay? It feels like just another year passed me by. That's all it is, another year, another 366 days (leap year o:).

Also, the weather as been quite bipolar these last few months. From freezing to humid and hot all in one week. It's truely getting annoying.

Everything these days feels so lost. It's like being in an ocean, not know which way is closer to shore, which way will take you where you're supposed to be, which way will take you home. How do you even know if you're where you're supposed to be anyways? I wish you all luck on finding that place (:

On a happier note, I just have this one friend that makes me feel better everyday. She just does because she doesn't care what stupid stuff I do, she doesn't hold grudges when I'm having a bad day and I'm mean to her. She just smiles and moves on (: I hope everyone has a friend like this.

Warped Tour '09 anyone?

Happy April everyone! Don't let it pass you by!

Every passing second is a second chance.

Sincerely,
Michelle

P.S. I'm eating cantaloupe.